Happy Mothers Day

I don't know what it is about my genre (mystery) and mothers. Mostly, they aren't around. Spenser, Kinsey Millhone, VI Warshawski, Thomas Black, Dave Robicheaux, Kenzie and Gennaro--none of them had moms with whom they had a close relationship.

And that's too bad, really. But there's something about a fictional private investigator that doesn't allow for moms in their world. I mean, if Sam Spade was getting garbage from his mom for the way he did his job, that wouldn't work. Would it?

Relationships with parents are tricky, and you don't understand how tricky until you have kids of your own and enough time's gone by to understand the depth of the mistakes you've made with your kids. One of my biggest fears is that someday, when they're grown, one of my kids will be sitting in the living room and say "You know, you did a really bad job."

Parenting is tricky work. It's a job that you don't get to walk away from when things aren't going well. You can't take a mental-health day, or schedule a vacation day for when you're overwhelmed, to get your bearings back. It's a 24x7 thing. It's hard and emotionally complex. And when you have kids, it makes you look at your parents in a different light. The things you used to be angry about change. You aren't necessarily thrilled, but you understand how fragile and fallible people are.

Sort of like when you're developing a character.

So Happy Mother's day to anyone who is a mom. It's a tough job and the critics can be unforgiving. But the real key was just being there and showing love.